Dear You,

You used to be my world. That was until I realized how much better I could do, so much better than someone like you.

You were able to trick me into thinking that you were a good guy. One of those rare romantic and polite guys that are so hard to find. But you're none of those things, everything is just an act to you. You're just an actor looking for his next role.

You say that you're done with me, but I really don't think so. You won't be done with me, whether or not I'm done with you. If you were done with me, you wouldn't text me back every time I say that I'm done with you.

You like having someone chase after you, don't you? You like seeing how far you can push someone's limits, don't you?

Private Joseph Draheim, I've figured you out. You finally showed me your true colors. Lately, your favorite thing to say to me, has been, "I love you! I'm sorry." Yeah, if you loved me you wouldn't have cheated on me, you would've fought for me when I told you that things were over. You would've asked me, "Why?" repeatedly, all that I wanted was for you to treat me with respect that night but you couldn't do it.

You think that threatening me with suicide is sooo awesome. Acting like a major jackass to me, and then having me forgive you is even cooler. My family's right, they might not know you, but you are a jackass. You were right when you called yourself a jackass because honestly that's what you are.

What are you going to say to this assuming that you read this? "I love you, I'm sorry." Yeah, sorry my ass, sorry doesn't cut it for me anymore.

You might have loved her for 2 years, but you didn't know me for 2 years. If I remember right, when we first started talking, before we were together, you told me how the first day that you met me you wanted to say that you loved me. Am I not right? You're going to hurt her too, poor girl.

You seemed to forget about her for awhile. When you told me that you wanted me yesterday, remember that? When I told you that I wanted to fuck you, and you sent me another dirty message. I was going to send you dirty pictures of myself, then I stopped out of respect for the other girl once you told me that you were in another relationship. 

The truth is, you don't want me out of your life. You say you do, yet once I'm gone, gone for good, you're going to want to get in contact with me. You like having someone that you can push around, someone who will chase after you. You think that the spotlight should be all about you.

I bet you that you're not depressed, I bet that you've never even contemplated suicide. No... no... you might scare people to death but you're not suicidal. You say things like that when you just want attention.

Well, have a nice life and I hope that you grow up, because I'm keeping my promise this time. You're ridiculous.

-Kiera-

me and joe are engaged as of last night. my family wasn't supposed to find out but they did. somehow my older sister found out about our plans & told them to my parents. their reaction is a little better than i thought that it would be, they're not making me end the engagement & they accept the fact that we're going to live together. i actually do have a plan. 

i wish that i could tell my dad why he dumped me during christmas time. he thinks that joe dumped me because i didn't fit into his plan & that i'm going to wind up getting hurt again. ummm, not exactly. he's judging based on the male perspective & is a little biased, simply because he's a guy, but not all guys are the same.

i kind of hinted to my mom about why me & joe broke up, but not really. i told my mom that he made a huge mistake & that right now i don't exactly trust him, but i will. i don't know how she would react if i told him that he broke up with me b/c he cheated on me & didn't realize how much i meant to him, afterwards.

so, why did i say yes to joe's proposal? b/c he's always been there for me, we've been through alot & are going through alot to be together, & i do see us getting married in the future. i've felt this way about him for awhile now. it's a long term engagement, something that he doesn't mind. i do agree, i'm a little too young for marriage right now.

what pisses me off about everything, though, is that my mom was fine w/ my sister being in love w/ a guy, that she had only seen 2x. yet, she can't accept me & joe. simply because we're younger & less experienced than they were. however, i think that in general i'm more mature than most seventeen year olds are & i've been told that.

i do realize that i'll probably want to date other guys in the future. me & joe will go on a break, when/if that happens. i have a feeling that i would wind up going back to joe in the end, b/c he's just that special to me.

it sounds ridiculous i know... yet, it makes sense to us, that's what matters. when we broke up & were w/o eachother, it killed us inside. i always knew that we would be back together. he thought that he had lost me for good.

all i can say is that this is my love story. it's a little unconventional, but it's still a love story.

I'm missing my boyfriend right now. Yeah, what's new? He has to work, so he can't talk on the phone right now. I can't wait to finally see him again, this time when we're together, we haven't really seen eachother since July, so it's been a while and we weren't together then. We were supposed to see eachother when he was home and I was off for Christmas break, but everyone knows the story with that.

Anyway, last night he really impressed me. Yeah, I know most of these journal entries are about him impressing me what can I say though, I like thinking about him, lol.

He basically mentioned to me about how he's going to get a place for the two of us, me and him, Meghan's invited to come.

I think it will be cool, I mean I don't particularly like what I know about her boyfriend, but in a way my boyfriend's right. "No offense to your friend, but it takes two to fuck. She should've told him, 'No, you're 23 and I'm only 17.'"

In a way I'm probably biased, because I have been friends with her for a really long time. She was the very first friend that I made in highschool. But, I would love to help her with the baby, I'd get to see my boyfriend every day - distance would no longer be an issue with us, and gain my bestfriend since 9th grade back. As far as her boyfriend goes, I'll just have to learn to accept him. I'm always talking about about people who aren't very accepting of Joe aren't really worth my time.

I think that I'm going to ask my boyfriend if I can just have a plain picture of him for my phone )). I'm too lazy to go on myspace and look at his pictures, lol. I just want a picture of my boyfriend, he has 2 of me on his phone. Not fair! Lol.

I had my math midterm today, I don't know how that went, and I'm kind of starting to have the 'I don't care, as long as I pass' attitude again, lol. I didn't get to study as much as I'd like, since I was very lazy and then my boyfriend called me at 9:OO PM since we really hadn't talked all day, yeah... I guess he fell asleep or something from having a really long day because he just stopped talking to me and I couldn't get his attention, lol. He messaged me at 8:1O AM, asking me how I was doing, I text him back, but yeah... he didn't text me back.

Tomorrow, my recruiter's going to start doing basic training on me and then I have a future soldier's meeting on Saturday, so the next two days should be really fun. The only thing that's really going to suck is waking up early, since my recruiter's going to be picking me up at like 8:OO AM every morning.